people ask me
to help them do something ... and I agree to help. Then they sit
back and watch ME do it by myself!
someone stands up to make a
speech and can't stop saying "I'd like to" ... nobody's stopping you! JUST
DO IT! For example, instead of saying "I'd like to thank my parents..."
why not just say "Thank you Mom and Dad" or "I'm grateful to my parents"
or "I'm thankful to my parents". Or, for example, "I'd like to thank
you all for coming to my party ... why not just say, "Thank you, everyone,
for coming to my party" or "I'm delighted to see you here celebrating with
it were" and "if you
will" into every sentence
friends confirm arrangements to meet
specific time and then show up late!
toilet paper in public washrooms is so flimsy, it tears off in half-inch scraps
they pile up the snow at intersections, making it impossible to see oncoming
cars when merging into traffic
others tell me to button up or wear a
scarf ... because they are c-c-cold
people say, "C'mon over at
6:00," and when I show up on time they go into shock because they
haven't even showered yet
some jerks consider themselves wine connoisseurs
- those who've likely convinced themselves that Birkenstock is a European dry white!
flipping channels before allowing enough time to see what's on!
pet-owners walk their dogs off-the-leash, and then pretend to scoop
people sing horrific off-key soul versions of the
national anthem at sporting events
the doors in tiny public washroom cubicles open
inward ... so in order to close the door you end up practically straddling the toilet
people affirm that they're either cat-lovers or dog-lovers ... as if there's
some law stating that you can't love both
people turn off the roadway into a
shopping mall and stop dead right there ... leaving me half-turned, with
my car's rear a target for oncoming traffic!
people insist on bringing gifts every time they come to visit, especially when told not to!
people say "I could care less"
instead of "I couldn't care less"
movies are classified as "romantic
comedies" - and they're all about adultery - which is not really
funny ... and not even so
people pull their cars all the way to the
right in preparation to turn left!
cheat and lie!
somebody asks how to get from here to there, and
then start walking away while you're in the middle of giving directions.
at a party, the person seated on my right is
having an animated conversation with person on my left ... and I catch
sight of their spit particles hovering over my plate!
you telephone some big prestigious company and they put you on hold with
"your call is important to us ... all our agents are busy, etc" and then
they stick you with the most nerve-jangling music (accompanied by periods
of static) while you wait forever for a real person to answer.
Why don't they have a feature like "for classical music press one ... for
rock and roll press two ... for country press three ... know what I mean? people
who treat you and your family like garbage, blindly assuming that despite
their despicable behaviour, you owe them love and respect